Friday, November 19, 2010

I thought that beauty was over rated. But now I search for it, want it, need it. One needs beauty in their life, be surround by it, feel it, see it, appreciate it. I haven't seen beauty for awhile and I don't know where I can find it again. I used to think that it was in Paris and New York. It may still be there. When I go to New York now, I feel disconnected and angry. I don't feel that the people there appreciate it as much as I would. I miss the city. A city with stories and secrets and glamour and beauty. All I see is bareness, the inside of a room with cubicles. When do our life become a room full of ugly things? When am I going to forgive myself for making this mistake? I once thought that you could be anything and now I don't know if I believe that.

I miss metros, parks, my 8th floor walk up. I miss the fresh air, baguettes, walking, running, talking. I miss shopping, finding things that I like, something to look forward to. I miss walking in the winter, in the spring, in the summer. I don't miss walking in the rain. I miss bagels. I miss thai restaurants. I miss reading on the metro to class. I miss walking by myself. I miss the possibilities of cities, of walking far and further. Of sidewalks.
looking for a less ordinary life