I hate Jude the Obscure

I haven't had this much difficulty writing an English paper since Junior year in high school and that's because I was asked to write an essay on a book that I haven't read. I've never not wanted to write a paper so much in my life. I squandered an entire week and now I am going to turn in shit because the class is shit and the book is shit.

In more positive news

The furnace keeps farting

Fuck you Thomas Hardy, Sarah Grand, and CCNY for making me read this shit

If I read Thomas Hardy's Jude the Obscure and Sarah Grand's The Heavenly Twins when I first moved to the United States, I shall have never picked up another book in my life. This would be the end to my English education and I shall have never kindled a fire to read and write books of my own.

I hate this fucking class and everybody in it. The fact that they (the professor and the students) enjoy this class-the discussions, the readings, and the assignments-is an indication of their stupidity and their inability to learn anything worthwhile. To think, I must read both of these books in detail and dissect every sentence in order to write this stupid paper. Nothing is worse than to be forced to read shitty things in detail.

There are two types of literary study today. One is literary in nature. We start with the details in the book, making connections and links to ideas, history, art, and industry. If the literary course is historical in nature, we are given a brief review of that history and see how each book or writing explicates or differs from that history in terms of content, language, format, and style. It is all compassing, but it starts with the book as the starting ground of discussion.

If you have a bad professor, like I do, you will not start from the details in the book. The professor will spit out two "major concepts" and all the conversation will stay in the general arena. You will agree or disagree and that's it. The discussion does not have room to grown beyond those major concepts because it is being bracketed.

The other camouflages itself as a literature class, but does not essentially talk about the book at all. I don't know what to call this other study, but it comprises of reading in Middle English (not intending to learn or finding more insight about the Middle Ages or novels from the Middle Ages, but do it because it is fun) or locating all the British castles referenced in a piece of fiction. These classes are often obsessed with learning the motivations or experiences of the authors without assigning any autobiography, essays, or criticisms. One simply reads a book and then talk about how the author might have "felt." These are not literature classes. These are foreign language classes (Middle English or Elvish) or Fictionalized Reality courses (trace the locations in Dubliners). Sometimes they are not courses at all, like the one where you read a book and attempt to discover how a writer felt without any first person reference. I hate these classes. These classes veil themselves inside undergraduate and graduate English programs and in my opinion, threaten the legitimacy of literary study. Not only that, I don't learn anything from these courses. I know nothing about the book. All I have is what someone "felt" or a map of Dublin marked with asterisks. What education does one take from this? How did this come to pass? What program approved this course and its professor?

Probably going to eat my way through this death.

Knishes should be served with gravy. A knish is essentially a giant ball of mashes potatoes. Why not serve it with a side of gravy? Whoever decided that knishes should be served with mustard?

"Has China lost its morality and sense of compassion in its rush to modernity?"

No, the Chinese haven't had any morality since the 1960's when their spirits were stripped by Chairman Mao. What this shows, along with dozens of other incidents is that "prosperity" and "education" has done nothing for the Chinese.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/22/world/asia/chinese-toddler-who-was-run-over-twice-dies.html?_r=1&hp

I am so tired of this Fin de Siecle course and reading all of these stupid, ill written books that do not follow reasonable order. I am sure that there are much better books from the 1880's to the 1890's than The Heavenly Twins by Sarah Grand and Jude the Obscure by Thomas Hardy. Their characters act out of nature and jump from one idea to another without any connection. I am also tired of the lecture, where the professor throws out some general idea and asks us to "comment on it." No, your ideas are stupid and do not make any sense. I hate professor that make grand generalizations without any close reading of the text. This is not a graduate course.

There Are New Revelations Everyday!

There is a Charles Dickens summer camp! Summer camp! Charles Dickens! Together. For high school students and adults.

Fuck me, everybody knew about the Creators Project this weekend except me. It feels pretty shitty when you invite someone to do something, they say their busy, and don't tell you that they are going to the event down the street from where you live. It's even worse when they have tickets and you don't. New Yorkers are sly. Everybody tries to be a step ahead of you.

What do you do when you can't sleep, a mosquito is buzzing in your ear, the melatonin isn't working and you keep thinking of the new novel by Jeffery Eugenides, David Foster Wallace's suicide, and the cry baby Jonathan Franzen? Why you go on the internet, of course.

I can see how people go crazy in the night, sleep deprived, and overheated. A mosquito first flies into the left ear, then the right. Your body itches at the left wrist, the right ankle, the left knee, and the right calf. You can't open the bottle of Irish whiskey because the cork has dried out. You settle for the bourbon and let the cool warmth take you. What happens when the sleeping pill and the alcohol stops working?

I think I am going a little crazy

I got into my first car accident two weekends ago at an antique store. I kept hitting the gas pedal instead of the break pedal and ran into a tree, a bench, and some antique iron/steel wheels. Thankfully no one was hurt.

I keep doing really stupid things.

I've been having nightmares about being murdered.

I think all of this will go away once I move.

Movies

Farewell My Concubine

To Live

I have no dreams of my own so I watch the lives of others.

Addicted to Hulu Plus

I have watched three movies in the last three days: Fat Girl, Born Rich, and The House of Yes.

Fat Girl was right up my ally. French, full of attitude, and a girl stuffing her face, I was hooked immediately by the title. The story is about two sisters-one fat and one beautiful- and their coming of age with their sexuality.

Sunday Dinner

Tomato spaghetti with kimchi is strangely not bad.

Toasted pita with Mediterranean hummus

Corn from yesterday's hiking trip

Leftover blueberry and rhubarb pie from Main

Crap, wish I knew about this before I went to Shanghai

Getting the Belt

Every person’s wardrobe should have well-made, classic pieces. A trench coat, a pair of boots and the perfect white tee are just a few. Fortunately in Shanghai,if you know where to look (and read the right blogs!! eh heh hem), well-made doesn’t necessarily mean expensive. In the case of another wardrobe staple, the brown leather belt, this remains true.

I found a fantastic leather worker at 401 Jianguo Lu, a little bit east of Wulumuqi Lu. I picked out a sumptuous top-grain leather and a sturdy brass buckle (for buckles, nothing beats good ol’ brass!). And off the shifu went fixing it into our perfect belt that I can probably wear for decades. It only looks like an investment piece– all I had to invest was a little bit of ingenuity and hanging out with this sweet old Chinese man as he banged and chiseled away at his workstation. Oh, and it only cost me RMB200, which is about how much you’d pay for a plastic leather belt with a cheap metal buckle at any fast fashion store in Shanghai.

In 3 months, I live

San Francisco

RAVIOLO UOVO DI SAN DOMENICO
Seven Hills
1550 Hyde St.; 415-775-1550; $16
We'll let SF Weekly food critic Jonathan Kauffman explain this take on the classic egg-filled raviolo: The pasta "is so translucent it barely tints the deep green of the spinach-ricotta filling ... In an age of sous-vide eggs and hydrocolloid-gelled juices, the raviolo uovo is a reminder that old-fashioned cooking of the most refined kind can produce miracles and surprises, too."

Give it up for LA

SQUID INK CHITARRA FREDDI
Osteria Mozza
6602 Melrose Ave.; 323-297-0100; $21
Served cold to the table with a base of a squid-ink pasta made in house with the titular chitarra, the noodles are boiled to order and dumped in water to cool. Decadent delicacies from the deep are added, with fat, pristine pieces of uni melting to coat the pasta strands and Dungeness crab providing a sweet essence of the ocean, all cut by a sharp jab of fresh jalapeño, a sprinkle of sea salt, and touch of olive oil.

STRACCI
Osteria Morini
218 Lafayette St., nr. Kenmare St.;
212-965-8777; $19
You might expect Alinea's Grant Achatz to gravitate toward some whiz-bang super-noodles, but instead, he tells us that his favorite is this plate of super-rich "pasta rags" served with braised porcinis that Michael White serves at his rustic, homey (and perpetually crowded) Soho restaurant.

this looks delicious

New York

PRESSED HEAD-ON PRAWNS WITH SPICY SPAGHETTI
David Burke Kitchen
23 Grand St., at Sixth Ave.;
212-201-9119; $32
New York's David Burke is well known for his over-the-top presentations, and this spaghetti, favored by Iron Chef Marc Forgione, is no exception: Burke's staff presents the dish with the prawns, but then presses the shells in a dining-room duck press to squeeze out all the juice — which is then poured over the pasta, tableside.

WWD is RACIST

Came across this short summary today in NY Magazine. Now that the fashion world sees the Chinese as a real commodity, they must follow and observe us like a science experiment to understand better how to sale us ugly, commercial things.

http://www.wwd.com/retail-news/the-chinese-rich-hit-the-stores-3578793?browsets=1302533360581#/article/retail-news/the-chinese-rich-hit-the-stores-3578793?full=true

Japantown

Robataya- bento

Rai Rai Ken- noodles?

Decibel- sake bar

Otafuku- snacks for take out

Cha-An- tea house

Since we are no longer going to Tokyo (Reactor 2 had a partial melt down), I am going to eat a week's worth of Japanese food.

I don't understand what all the big fuss is about regarding Momofuku cookies. They are not that great and certainly not worth the price. I have to blame myself to get caught up in all the hype. Their cookies are really sweet and oily and not very creative. The corn cookie is good, but has a ton of sugar. Each cookie would be so much better if they'd just cut down the sugar. I would like to taste the cookie, not sugar.

I want

From Prefall 2011 Chanel shoes

2011 is by far, by FAR better than 2010! See you in New York Fall 2011

Greg and I ate like King's this weekend.

We shared a slice on Saturday for lunch and a bowl of Chinese noodles from the Xi'an (western) area in China. It's been so long since Greg and I have had an authentic slice. We visited one of our college haunts in Hoboken, Giovanni's, where the owner commented on Greg's absence. It always feels good to be remember or recognized as a regular. We then headed over to St. Marks in Manhattan and shared a bowl of lamb noodles at a restaurant called Xi'an. The lamb was perfect, I love the peanutty heat that the soup had. For dinner, Greg and I had vietnamese sandwiches, which was so good, but not as good as before. The carrots were not pickled enough so the sandwiches were really missing the acid. As a late dinner snack, one of our friends gave us a mango to eat.

On Sunday, we had these great egg sandwiches on focaccia bread at a place called Saltie. I had a bowl of leek soup, which had too much chicken, but was very filling because of it. I wasn't hungry until 8 pm tonight. The baked goods and drinks were also very good...my fig muffin was very moist and the lassi (without mangos) was very interesting, but perhaps a little too perfumed. Greg wanted more coffee so we tried the Blue Bottle coffee, which was very flavorful. Greg got a shot of SG-120, which sounds more like an environmental summit than a shot of expresso. I got a latte, both were very flavorful and had a lot of body, but as I am not much of a coffee drinker, gave the rest to Greg. The ice-coffee looked beautiful. We then headed to Mast Brothers, which has the richest chocolate I have ever had- it was like 70% coco or something. We bought two bars-the house blend dark chocolate and Serrano dark chocolate, which is supposed to be perfect for a spicy hot chocolate. I could only eat a morsel of each because it was so strong. Because Greg had to used the restroom, we searched up and down Bedford for a CVS or Duane Reed. We found a Duane Reed, the fanciest one I have ever seen, and they had no bathroom. They did have this great Mango, apple, and orange juice from this farm and I drank that while Greg took a picture of the new growler system at the store- they have a stack of growlers for you to buy any local beer. Finally, the pharmacy across the street had a bathroom and we bought a bottle of shampoo and body wash so we wouldn't feel like assholes. After that, we headed back to Saltie to buy a lavender cookie for the road home, but stopped at Momofuku Milk instead and bought a dozen cookies for $20. By far the most expensive cookies I have ever bought and such an odd experience as well:

Me: "Can I buy half a dozen of cookies?"

Momofuku: "We only sell a dozen"

Me: "okay," hands over a $20 dollar bill

Momofuku: "We only take credit card"

Me: "really? How strange, oh I should have read the gigantic black board" (most places only take cash so it was weird that they only took credit card)

A quick review of fiction today will show that the critics are very keen on American writers from South America and Eastern Europe.

When I look at pictures of Paris in May, I can smell spring.

Even though high school was depressing and miserable, there was this sense of something is going to happen, that things will change, greatness is waiting.

It's easy to say I don't like this, I want that. I want to do something else, live somewhere warmer, eat more fresh fruit, exercise more. It's so easy to sit here and want all of these different things, but it's so hard to do something about it. Can I get up tomorrow and go somewhere else? Yes, absolutely. But can I leave without any consequences? No. I have a lease until September. I'll have to return my moving bonus because I haven't worked for an entire year. I have no where to store the little furniture that I have procured in the last year. If it is this hard to get up and leave now, what will it be like 10 years from now? When I will be married, have a mortgage, and maybe a baby. My viewpoint, my thought process has changed so much from last year and the year before. I don't know if it's because of the weather, the general cold around this place, but I can't hope for things to change and I don't know what to do in the interim to change things. I know what I can do six months from now, but at this second...no.

Best Chinatown Fix

• A-Wah

  5 Catherine Street, nr. E. Broadway 212-925-8308

  For what one imagines may have been considered a mistake the first time someone discovered it at the bottom of the pot, burnt rice sure has come a long way. Korean bibimbap enthusiasts go crazy for it, paella aficionados consider it the whole point of the endeavor, and fans of the Hong Kong comfort food known as bo zai fan (or “clay pot rice”) swear by the stuff. Chinatown bo zai fan specialist A-Wah offers seventeen variously topped versions (no. 61, with pungent Chinese sausage, minced pork patties, and savory shards of roast pork, is the way to go). The clay pots take a good fifteen minutes to cook, and arrive piping hot. If you’ve never been, your waiter will coach you in the proper technique for maximizing the dish’s superb contrasts of texture and flavor: Drizzle the thickish soy sauce over the top, stir, and tuck into the soft grains from the center while the crust forms on the pot’s perimeter. You won’t need any encouragement to start scraping the vessel and excavating the caramelized crispy bits as they take shape.

I wish for summer, the city, and freedom

If I had money, I would definitely collect watches

What I have been reading and dreaming are scaring me

In preparation for our impending trip to Tokyo, I have been reading guide books and street blogs. The book began well enough, but when it got to the shopping and the bars, it became clear that the book and the city may be too overwhelming for me.

Overwhelming because Japan, with all of its high tech inventions and freedom of expression, is still a feudal society where the women and the poor are left at the margins. For instance, certain bars only patronize a certain clientele and women are forbade at certain areas and institutions. People operate through introductions and who they work for. They rarely interact outside of their small circle of family, friends, and coworkers.

I can't understand how any society could choose these rules- so limiting, so stiffling, but all societies do and I can't help but question, where can the tender-hearted, the idealistic go?

If it is not New York (too loud and too expensive), Paris (where is the literati?), or Tokyo, where is it? Is it Austin, where the self pronounced "hipsters" could annoy anyone to death? Is it Detroit, where a single female can buy a house for $25, but cannot walk the streets alone? What about Portland or Seattle? Is it the buzz of Berlin or Budapest?

Music is slowly coming back to me. I was not impressed by the music released in 2010. I did not understand how all of the critics simultaneously praised LCD Soundsystem. They had a few good songs, but their sound was neither new or creative. I liked Florence and the Machine a lot- I listened to them from January until April, but when summer arrived, I was still listening to them because there was no one else. In the Fall, I liked Cults, but they only had one or two songs.

In 2011, I already like two bands, followed by songs that I particularly enjoy. The thing about music is that it has to take you somewhere.

Amadou & Mariam- Sabali

Ohland- Wolf and I

One band that I hope will be coming out with new music is Discovery. They produced my favorite album in 2009, one that I will definitely be listening to in Japan, because that's where the music first took me.

Jingjing is in the market for a Navajo inspired coat, a fur vest, a paint splattered dress shirt and a boy's hair cut

(picture from Tommy Ton)

It takes a storm for me to really miss the variety and quantity of restaurants in NY. I could really go for a bowl of ramen or halal from a food cart.

I've realized how negative this blog has become and I aim to write about more positive things this year. I feel good, hopeful of the future, and happy with today. Some days are better than others. Last year at this time, I was prideful, stressed, afraid of working at an engineering company.