What do you do when you can't sleep, a mosquito is buzzing in your ear, the melatonin isn't working and you keep thinking of the new novel by Jeffery Eugenides, David Foster Wallace's suicide, and the cry baby Jonathan Franzen? Why you go on the internet, of course.

I can see how people go crazy in the night, sleep deprived, and overheated. A mosquito first flies into the left ear, then the right. Your body itches at the left wrist, the right ankle, the left knee, and the right calf. You can't open the bottle of Irish whiskey because the cork has dried out. You settle for the bourbon and let the cool warmth take you. What happens when the sleeping pill and the alcohol stops working?